Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

I was tired of fighting.

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

How do I write a character’s physical description without it feeling unnatural and clunky? I’m able to describe their hair and body relatively easily because my writing puts emphasis on small movements and fidgeting, but I can’t describe faces.

Be who you already are.

The sadness was still there.

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

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It’s here now, writing to you.

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

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Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

How do you get a girl to like you?

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

I had run out of hope.

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What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

Why do some women alter their faces by so-called cosmetic surgeries (on their eyes, cheeks, lips, chin, jaw) that making them look like Donald Duck or puffy aliens, while for most men these unnatural facial changes are ridiculous or even disgusting?

It’s still here.

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

Do all you people that took the "jab" feel lied to yet?

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

And the sadness?

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

Why did my ex move on so quickly?

I was tired of trying and failing.

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

You are like me, then.

Why does Christianity push reconciliation after a partner cheats? Mine had a 7-year affair with someone half my age. He cheated and lied. He is not the same to me.

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.